It's a long road to travel until you get what you want. That's what Django learned when he came from the little town of Broiter Grove to Free Country, USA. Countless times, he'd been warned about bears holding sharks and the like, and he's decided it's time to take it back.
My name is Django. I'm kind of new here. I've made a lot of friends since I've come, anyway. Strong Rad, Homestar Runner, Starteen... The list goes on. Something seems to be missing, though. I feel like I need to fill in the gaps here and there, and patch my story up a bit. It seems so scattered, so out there, even though it just happened yesterday. I just got back from soccer practice with my friends like nothing happened at all, and now that I'm sitting at my new Compy Lappy 1086, I might as well get my story out there.
My alarm clock woke me up later than usual. I must have set it wrongly the night before. I stumbled out of bed and made my usual morning routine. I rode my bike to school more quickly than I usually did, and when I arrived, I turned around to see the face of Vanna Lou. She was following me."It's Saturday, you idiot!" she announced to everyone within a square mile. I felt incredibly stupid at this point. I didn't know what to say, so I quickly turned around, although Vanna could go as fast as me with those wings of hers. She chased me home.
By the time I got home I was out of breath from going so fast. Vanna was still there when I looked. "Okay," I huffed. "What's this all about?" Vanna brought her palm to her face and shook her head, like I was supposed to know. "Doomsday," she whispered. "It's near." Vanna is pretty paranoid, but I thought she had lost it at this point. She would never think of losing it. "Dark Claw is coming." "Who's Dark Claw?" I asked, puzzled. Vanna brought her plam to her face again. She's hard to talk to. "Someone you won't like." she answered, and walked away.
I went up to my room, still puzzled. Was this Dark Claw character really coming? I decided to turn on the console and play video games for a few hours. That's how I relax. I sat there until I decided to leave. I thought music would solve my problems, but today when I played my guitar, every note sounded somber.
Strong Sad is taking up the space in my life with his freakin' boringness. That lump is getting defensive, and having a devensive lump for a brother is even worse than having a sad lump for a brother. I blame it on that freakin' Starteen. She absolutely loves my """"""""brother"""""""" like crazy. Why does Strong Sad have a girl? That's what I decided to figure out. I pretended to takew a stroll like my brains were made of crap, and I saw the two of them sitting by a pond. SITTING BY A POND. I chucked a rock at Lump O' Dump, and then ran away.
Bubs is selling his stuff all cheap, because he claims that "doomsday" is coming. I think the whole conspiracy is just a lump of puke-covered crap. The other day, he told me about this thing called Dark Claw. If I had a dark claw, I'd whack him with it if he ever brought it up again. At least I can buy gallons of duck sauce like crazy. The cheat loves to pour it all over his toast, and then we fill the jugs with maple syrup and pour them into Strong Sad's bed sheets.
The other day, that nasty know-it-all Homeschool Winner emailed me, telling me that doomsday was really on its way. Guuess what I did? DELETED!
Starteen, please write this chapter. I will continue when you're done.